Deep under Creation, behind Time’s Sea
Under Night’s Mountain, where Darkness roams free,
Things left over from the very first day
Make their happy home in the Land of R’Lyeh
Some with nine heads, some with planet sized girth
Some with more power than all Gods of Earth
One day they got hungry, so they hatched a plan;
Time to make dinner of the Race of Man.
The Shuggoths who served these Precambrian creeps
Partied on high, and partied down deep.
The stars were just right, so they said “Woo-hoo!”
They had but one dream; to raise Cthulhu!
From the mantles and windows stockings were hung
For Shub-Niggurath and its one-thousand young.
The Fungi from Yuggoth did a two-step,
And all little ones dreamed of Nyarlathotep.
The Old Ones sang songs to Cthulhu, their pappy.
Yet one in R’Lyeh was quite far from happy.
The Deep Ones shuddered, and even Azathoth flinched
When they thought of that mean old, fun-stopping Grinch.
“I know”, said the Grinch as he shook his hand.
“I will stop Cthulhu, for I have a plan!”
“When the stars are just right, and he comes from the Sea”
“Cthulhu shall be diverted, by little old me”
When reality ruptured, and Cthulhu rose from the crack
The Grinch made off with him, carrying him on his back.
Now Cthulhu could not believe what he saw with his eyes.
The creature who had him was one gazillionth his size.
The Thing That Should Not Be was greatly amused.
This might provide some laughter Cthulhu surely could use.
Rather than destroy the Grinch, he played along with the joke
And in an unholy voice, Cthulhu now spoke.
“I have had Yahweh for Breakfast, and Zeus for Lunch”
“Satan as a snack, and Krishna for Brunch”
“Amon-Ra in Chocolate, the Loa in Toffee”
“The Goddess of Witches goes great with Coffee”
“I’ve had the all Seeing Eye served up on a platter”
“And Buddha deep fried in Tree of Life batter”
“I ‘ve had Ahura Mazda puree poured down a funnel”
“And linguine topped with the Light at the End of the Tunnel”
"Holy Trinity sauce which I poured from a bottle"
"Which nicely spiced up my baked Quetzalcoatl"
"A pickled angel as a garnish is really just swell"
"For a submarine sandwhich of all demons from hell"
“I’ve used Kali to flavor cream that is iced”.
“And had a helping or two of fricasseed Christ”
“Once I hungered for something with an exotic yen”
“So I dined on the very state of Zen”
“The Monkey god of china I ate with a potat-uh”
“But was hungry again just fifteen minutes lat-uh”
“I’ve had crème of Allah, and Odin as a Stew”
“And dear Mr. Grinch, you think I can’t eat you?”
“If you ate me”, the mean old Grinch said.
“I at least wouldn’t hear Shuggoth songs in my head!”
Then the Grinch heard something that had to be wrong,
Even with no Cthulhu, the monsters sang songs!
And so the the Grinch changed, for now he understood.
Fun can change even the vile, into the good.
With no time to waste, the Grinch picked up the slack
And headed for Earth with Cthulhu still on his back.
So be you good or evil, or serve you chaos or order,
If you commit to one side, or just straddle the border,
Remember this tale, when you’re in a pinch
And don’t make the error made by the Grinch.
Under Night’s Mountain, where Darkness roams free,
Things left over from the very first day
Make their happy home in the Land of R’Lyeh
Some with nine heads, some with planet sized girth
Some with more power than all Gods of Earth
One day they got hungry, so they hatched a plan;
Time to make dinner of the Race of Man.
The Shuggoths who served these Precambrian creeps
Partied on high, and partied down deep.
The stars were just right, so they said “Woo-hoo!”
They had but one dream; to raise Cthulhu!
From the mantles and windows stockings were hung
For Shub-Niggurath and its one-thousand young.
The Fungi from Yuggoth did a two-step,
And all little ones dreamed of Nyarlathotep.
The Old Ones sang songs to Cthulhu, their pappy.
Yet one in R’Lyeh was quite far from happy.
The Deep Ones shuddered, and even Azathoth flinched
When they thought of that mean old, fun-stopping Grinch.
“I know”, said the Grinch as he shook his hand.
“I will stop Cthulhu, for I have a plan!”
“When the stars are just right, and he comes from the Sea”
“Cthulhu shall be diverted, by little old me”
When reality ruptured, and Cthulhu rose from the crack
The Grinch made off with him, carrying him on his back.
Now Cthulhu could not believe what he saw with his eyes.
The creature who had him was one gazillionth his size.
The Thing That Should Not Be was greatly amused.
This might provide some laughter Cthulhu surely could use.
Rather than destroy the Grinch, he played along with the joke
And in an unholy voice, Cthulhu now spoke.
“I have had Yahweh for Breakfast, and Zeus for Lunch”
“Satan as a snack, and Krishna for Brunch”
“Amon-Ra in Chocolate, the Loa in Toffee”
“The Goddess of Witches goes great with Coffee”
“I’ve had the all Seeing Eye served up on a platter”
“And Buddha deep fried in Tree of Life batter”
“I ‘ve had Ahura Mazda puree poured down a funnel”
“And linguine topped with the Light at the End of the Tunnel”
"Holy Trinity sauce which I poured from a bottle"
"Which nicely spiced up my baked Quetzalcoatl"
"A pickled angel as a garnish is really just swell"
"For a submarine sandwhich of all demons from hell"
“I’ve used Kali to flavor cream that is iced”.
“And had a helping or two of fricasseed Christ”
“Once I hungered for something with an exotic yen”
“So I dined on the very state of Zen”
“The Monkey god of china I ate with a potat-uh”
“But was hungry again just fifteen minutes lat-uh”
“I’ve had crème of Allah, and Odin as a Stew”
“And dear Mr. Grinch, you think I can’t eat you?”
“If you ate me”, the mean old Grinch said.
“I at least wouldn’t hear Shuggoth songs in my head!”
Then the Grinch heard something that had to be wrong,
Even with no Cthulhu, the monsters sang songs!
And so the the Grinch changed, for now he understood.
Fun can change even the vile, into the good.
With no time to waste, the Grinch picked up the slack
And headed for Earth with Cthulhu still on his back.
So be you good or evil, or serve you chaos or order,
If you commit to one side, or just straddle the border,
Remember this tale, when you’re in a pinch
And don’t make the error made by the Grinch.
